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Do you want to be happy? Then, you need to try to understand 

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Many of the most popular current psychological tips are ineffective.

When you understand how the human psyche works you can save yourself a lot of unnecessary detours.

Simplifying the process, it is enough to understand that the psychological conflicts in people are manifested in three areas: behavior, emotions and thought.

The behavior is the result of the other two: what you think and what you feel, hence the resolution of the problem is to put in order both thought and emotions.

Advice like “appear to be sure and you will be fine” denotes a great ignorance of the mind and its content; To be sure of yourself you have to resolve insecurity, not become a fake.

Thus, any approach based only on changing behavior may have some practical result, but on the psychological level it will not be effective, especially in the medium and long term.

Regarding emotions and feelings we must learn to deal with them correctly.

This is not done by any current, not even the one that could have come closer, the so-called emotional intelligence.

The error is that emotion is approached by reasoning, which is like wanting to learn to swim without getting into the water.

No matter how much theory one knows about emotions, if one does not learn to explore them and lose fear, one will not advance much in the resolution of the conflict.

Advice as “feel love and you will be affectionate” serves only to confuse the mind even more.

Love, affection, empathy, joy, serenity, kindness, generosity, resilience, are emotions that arise as a result of being understood and resolving conflicts, cannot occur without a deeper understanding.

In summary, the advice to achieve happiness, the attempt to solve a conflict or a therapy applied to solve a psychological disorder, will be effective if it focuses on understanding and solving the causes of discomfort, solving cognitive errors, adequately facing emotions and taking the behavior as a measure of the changes.

You cannot like everyone, learn that you should not care

if you want to get rid of your problems, all you can do is live alone in the universe. Since that is impossible, when we relate to others we suffer for one of these reasons:

-Experience an inferiority complex with respect to those who have “got more” than us.

-We feel unfairly treated by people we love or help and do not correspond to us as we expect.

-We desperately try to please others to get their approval.

This last point has become a widespread addiction. We can see it clearly on social networks, where we publish posts seeking the approval of others in the form of likes and comments.

When a photo or an important reflection for us get little feedback, we feel ignored. Also in analogical relations, many interpersonal problems have the same origin: we do not obtain from the other what we think we deserve.

The fact that we are not sufficiently grateful for what we have, for example, can unleash resentment and cool off a friendship.

There is a desire for recognition under this desire for giving and taking. If the other thanks me, if he appreciates my work, if he corresponds to my favor with a kind act, then I will feel recognized.

If that does not happen, I interpret it as if I had not done anything, as if it did not exist. This vision is a powerful generator of problems since relationships are never completely symmetrical.

There are people who enjoy giving and others who convey the impression, even if it is not true, that they do not want to receive anything. This causes many misunderstandings, added to the fact that each individual has a different way of expressing their love and gratitude.

There are people who verbalize immediately and directly what they feel for us, and others who like us equally, but are less able to express love or do so in a deferred way when they find the right time and place.

All the options are correct, as long as we free ourselves from the anxiety of finding immediate and equitable compensation, as in a trade in which we must immediately collect what is delivered.

Because, beyond the different ways of expressing affection, we will meet people who do not understand us directly or even do not appreciate us. Making that a drama will turn our day to day into a fertile ground for upsets.

The true freedom includes that we do not mind not being liked by some people because statistically, it is a fact that we cannot like everyone.

Stop worrying about what others think of you, especially those who do not understand us or who do not even appreciate us.

Making that a drama will turn our day to day into a fertile ground for upsets.

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About the author: Luis R. Miranda

Luis R. Miranda is an award-winning journalist and the founder & editor of The Real Agenda News. His career spans over 23 years in every form of news media. He writes about environmentalism, education, technology, science, health, immigration and other current affairs. Luis has worked as on-air talent, news reporter, television producer, and news writer.

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